Thank You

This is the true unexpurgated version of Emmy Starkers acceptance speech at the Hammy Awards.

"Oh my god, i don't believe this,
there are others .... more deserving,"

(there they are ,seething, gnashing their teeth,
choking inside their tuxedo's or chewing the straps
of million dollar sequinned tourniquet gowns)

"I wish to thank Hank, my banker,
Tom, my current bonker,
and Harry,Larry and Barry
to whom i used to be married.
Bugs, who supplies my drugs
and Billy who has the biggest willy in the world.
Annie who waxes my fanny and under arm hair.
Marge, who supplies the tantric body massage
and Fanta,who helps me remember my mantra.
Alice, who designed my fake palace,
and Jewel who picks leaves out of my pool.
Kate and her mate, who electrified my frontgate,
and Timmo who shampoos my 90 footlimo.
Tag who was my best shag ever,
and Heather who controls the weather over my house.
Proctor, who flies my helicopter
and Kaff my pet giraffe.

To all you boozers, floozies,users, hustlers,
musclers, tusslers, dick heads, inbreds,
braindeads, lead in their pencils,
bulgingbiceped, nandrelone driven phoney balonies;
tough luck, i'm top of the tree"

(Tired and emotional she exits the stage,
not a dry eye in the place. Thank you and good night.)