Three flicks of scarlet dulled by snow grey breath,
Three gradual paladins drip with grizzly death;
Three ululations twisting through the wind,
Three doves to pacify, bring the melting spring.
Once far too often, cossack tipped his lance;
Once on a dream-wave peace fought with chance;
Once through a bow of light scattered bands
Hope's glow rekindled a time shattered land.
Three gradual paladins drip with grizzly death;
Three ululations twisting through the wind,
Three doves to pacify, bring the melting spring.
Once far too often, cossack tipped his lance;
Once on a dream-wave peace fought with chance;
Once through a bow of light scattered bands
Hope's glow rekindled a time shattered land.
Hello Dave,
ReplyDeleteI like this; the form and vocabulary are interesting. I wasn't sure about changing the structure in the last line. It does draw a line under the poem but it seems to jar a bit. Perhaps I need to hear your reading of the verse.
Would,
One hope rekindled in a time shattered land,
have the same meaning?
Rob
Thanks Rob,
ReplyDeleteAfter much consideration I have changed it.
I wanted the glowing/shining sense that I feel comes through from under the rainbow, so I changed Shining hope rekindled.. to Hope's glow rekindled..
I think that gets rid of the jarring.
Comment again after you've done the Arvon course.
Dave