It's a King Thing

It’s a king thing.
All this talk of a royal wedding is doing my head in, doing my head in.
Let me tell you about royal weddings.
I've had a few do you know who I am?
I’m Henry Tudor, yes Tudor. Without wishing to be rude or crass
these royal weddings are a pain in my Tudor ass.
Oh yes I’ve had a few, do
you want me to regale you with tales of regalia,
of conquests and failures,
of ladies in waiting, sating
my appetite for mating.
It’s a king thing, all that bling.
With this ring I thee wed
is what I said,
but don’t let me find you in anyone’s bed
or you’ll wind up dead
with a rolling head.
It’s a king thing
to start your own church
if you’re left in the lurch
so arrivaderci to Rome and the pope,
no hopers, cardinal sinners.
You could have backed a winner
with me and Boleyn; are
you still preaching , fools
or breaching rules?
It’s a king thing.
The way things are
it’s better by far
to be one over Parr.
Don’t go looking at my wife
if you value your life;
I’ll see you later,
you traitor at the gate or
behind the stables if it just can’t wait.
I see more than you think,
before you can blink
you'll be in the tower;
cometh the hour,
cometh the man with the power.
Are we clear?
It’s a king thing.
But wait, oh Kates, I’ve had a few,
but then again, not too few to mention;
always my intention
to be the centre of everyone’s attention,
not in a shy way
or a sly way
or even a Howard’s way.
Let history record that
I did it my way!

Acknowledgement to Paul Anka for My Way